Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
