Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
