I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
