his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
