I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
