he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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