I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
