I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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