I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
