Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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