It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
