he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
