Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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