Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
