i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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