My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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