Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
