I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it glows. i had to have it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
