Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
