Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
