Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
