the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
