ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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