just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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