My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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