Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
