Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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