I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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