I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
