I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
