miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
