why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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