Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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