You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
