i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
