Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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