so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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