i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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