so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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