I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
