My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
