Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
