That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
