he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
smell my finger.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
