well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
