My friends, they love my intelligence
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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