I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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