Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize