I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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