im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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