her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
