you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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