this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
