so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
