Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
