Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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