I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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