..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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