I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
