No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
