I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize