I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
