I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize