i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im holly from the hills drunk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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