The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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