I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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