i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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