3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
