i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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