kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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