I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
babies were throwing up all over the place
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
