I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i think i have herpe
just one?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
