I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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