so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
