i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
