So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
