I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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