Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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