I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Help. Why am I so naked?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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