I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
